Tuesday, January 28, 2014... 8:30 pm
I had waited as long as I possibly could. As I removed the velcro sides of the size 3T-4T pull up, I remember thinking that it looked so much bigger when I was putting it on JM. I tried to lay it out flat but the elastic sides kept folding over in the middle. Once it was in place, I tried the "easy does it" method once again. Success! I thought.
I don't know what happened, but there was a great amount that just didn't get caught and I was again left with a soaked seat, blanket, pants... everything. I wrapped the pull up and threw it in the passenger floorboard, just completely disgusted at this point about the day I'd had. Traffic continued to sit completely still for another hour.
My friends began to devise a plan to send someone out on a four wheeler to come and get me. I worried that if they didn't make it, or if someone got hurt trying to get to me, that it would just continue to pile on a terrible string of events to this already ridiculous day. Also, I had to admit to my friends that I was covered in urine, and that a ride on the back of a four wheeler in 7 degree weather probably wouldn't be the best idea. Evan, the four wheeler rescuer, told me he would pack a change of pants as well as some warm coveralls to get me home... so I agreed.
In the meantime, another friend had seen on Facebook where her husband's cousin was out on I-20 in a jeep, giving people rides home. She texted me his name and number and I immediately called. I tried to explain where I was, with a description of all the things I could see around me. But, I was worried that I was in the middle lane and wouldn't be able to move my car to the emergency lane. I texted Evan to let him know that a jeep was on the way, but he stayed out on the four wheeler just in case. Once the jeep arrived, Keith (one of the jeep rescuers) helped me move my car by directing the cars around me to move up, back, etc. Once I parked in the emergency lane, I gathered my things and got out of my car. The rush of cold air to my wet pants took my breath away and I was grateful for my decision to remain in my car for so long before.
The road was literally an ice-skating rink. My cowboy boots had very little traction so I carefully skated down I-20 with my wet behind waving at all the cars behind me who were now spotlighting it with their headlights. As we crossed the median, I broke the news to Keith even though I was mortified. We approached the jeep, on the westbound side of I-20, and as I opened the door, I blurted out "I'm so sorry - I peed my pants" to the driver. They must have had to bite their lips to keep from laughing at me. We set off in the opposite direction, driving east down 20W. There was no traffic on that side at all, only abandoned cars and 18-wheelers on each side. I remember thinking that it looked a lot like the title sequence to The Walking Dead. We drove slowly, and the heat was blaring... which would have been fine, except that it exaggerated the urine smell. I told Eric (the driver) that he might want to crack a window, but they were just as polite as could be, telling me that it was fine. I know it wasn't fine. I mean, I was gagging myself at this point.
We stopped by my friend's house so that I could pick up JM, and then slowly headed to my house. We got inside, I put JM to bed, and I took a very much needed bath. I called my family members, texted my friends, and updated everyone who had been following my day.
3 days post-snowpocolypse
Michael was stuck at UAB for two more days, and made it home at lunchtime Thursday. On the way to pick up my car, he started cracking jokes like, "Urine in a really unique position here, Kay." And, "Urine a place that not many others have been." I'm so glad that we can laugh about it at this point. I hope you've been able to laugh some, too. If you can't laugh about these things, what can you do?
And yes, my driver's seat has been cleaned with a high powered pet urine remover spray. And, even though the pull up was a frozen solid brick when I went back to get my car, all remaining memories of Tuesday have been disposed of... well, except for this blog.
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