The introduction to this reading was about who we consider to be strong characters in the Bible. Well, I would have said "Samson, David, or Joshua." But really if you think about it, some of the strongest men (physically) were some of the weakest men. What about Daniel, who sat quietly in the corner of a lion's den? What about Timothy who was young, had poor health, and a timid temperament? Sort of gives us hope after all! It's not necessarily about all the big things- the physical strength- or even recognition.
I'll just be honest... the past couple of weeks have been terrible. I'm struggling in so many areas of my life, and constantly feel like I'm just frantically treading water- but just enough of my head is above water so that I can still breathe. I'm constantly asking the Lord what His Will is in all of this- what I'm supposed to be doing- what steps to take- what words to speak.
But I'm reminded that my strength isn't in and of myself- it's in the Lord. And just knowing that I don't have to ever be alone is enough to get me through one more day of uncertainty. I still don't know the answers, but I'm comforted in the fact that I'm His and He is mine. He does care, and He will show me eventually- when the time is right. Of course, I've been told that I'm the only person in the world who prays with my datebook in hand... "Okay Lord, when are we going to do this? I'm open on the 5th- what's your schedule look like?" haha- I know that's a little extreme, but I think we all sort of pray like this at one point in time or another. We want things in our time, when it's good for us.
News flash: it's not about us! It's not about our timing, or what we think will work out just right. I'm learning this now as we speak... and oh it's such a hard lesson for me. I'm so prideful- and I'm starting to see just how prideful when it comes to thinking that I know better than the Lord. And what's worse- that pride can spread so quickly- and it's that pride that brought down Samson and Daniel. I don't want to be like that! I want to be quiet in the corner of the lion's den, so to speak (Lord, please don't put me in a real lion's den!).
In times like these, I feel like I'm in the lion's den though- except instead of sitting quietly, I'm trying to fight the lion because 'I know better'!!! And I tell myself things like "Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world" and while that's true, maybe the lesson I need to learn is what it looks like to sit quietly in the corner. Maybe this a fight that I don't need to fight. Maybe the uncomfortable quiet corner is where I'll finally hear His voice.
Maybe I'm completely off my rocker- but it's an honest assessment of where I am. More to come as I learn...