For the love... there is so much I could be doing right now, like cleaning my house, pulling out some picture frames that I've wanted to hang, laundry (oh the never ending laundry). Yet, I'm unable to pull myself away from a story I ran across last week. In fact, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it either. Her name is Angie Smith, and she writes a blog called
Bring The Rain. Well, she's written more than that, actually. "I Will Carry You," "What Women Fear," and "Mended" are three books that I see advertised on her blog. I haven't read them yet, because I'm still in June 2008 on her blog, making my entire way through it. I started at the beginning, in April 2008, when Angie and her husband Todd (singer for Selah) found out that something just wasn't right with Angie's pregnancy. I'll leave you to read her blog, as there's absolutely no way that I could do the story justice. But a funny thing happened as I continued to read, to cry, to read and cry, to sob uncontrollably... the Lord sparked something in me that I haven't felt for years. Passion for Him.
Yes, that's right, for all of you out there who have some notion in your mind that I have it all together... that I praise the Lord with every step... that I don't cuss like a sailor at times and then quickly pray that my son doesn't repeat it. If anything, I want to be honest with myself, and you. Judge if you want- makes no difference to me. I already know that I'm broken, so it's not a newsflash. But the past couple of years have been confusing at best. I've second guessed everything that I knew to be true... my ability to be a good wife, a good mother, a good employee, a good friend, a good person at all. I'm sure the enemy was having a field day with it. Have you ever noticed that the second you start to second guess yourself on something, there seems to be an event that proves you're right in thinking that ugly thought about yourself? It's easy to sit in that place for a long, long time. And I have. I've gotten pretty comfortable here. It's kind of like how Charlie Brown gets all upset about how nobody likes him, but the reason people get frustrated with him is because he constantly talks about how nobody likes him, and let's face it- that's annoying. Well, I think I've had a Charlie Brown spirit.
I want to go on record right now and say that as hard as it has been to get through Angie's blog, I have continued to read it because the Lord is doing something in me through it. As I read her posts, I realized that she hears the Lord so clearly in the midst of her day. And then she acts on it. And I found myself wishing that I could do that again... hear the Lord clearly in the midst of my day. As I sat in my big comfy chair, I looked at the back cushion where Max normally perches and laughed because he was stuck in between the cushion and the back of the chair. So I did what any normal "mama" would do. I picked up my cell phone and snapped a picture, planning to send it to Michael so that we could LOL at our silly dog. Max wasn't even upset about the fact that he was stuck. He just settled down into it and plopped his head over the back of the chair, trying to make the best of the situation. I thought to myself, "What a comfortable problem to have." And then I heard it. That still, small voice that I've been so desperate to hear said, "We must be careful to not get comfortable in our problems. That's not how life was intended."
That's not how LIFE was intended. That's so true! The author of life doesn't sit back and think, "Well, there she goes again. Gosh, I should really teach her how to be a better employee." He created life to be full of joy. And that doesn't mean that everything is hunky dory all the time either. Life is hard, y'all. But He's still on the throne.
"And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!" Revelation 5:13
And so, instead of doing the list of things that I probably should be doing around the house, I praise Him, and I allow myself to dream again, and I allow myself to trust Him again, and I praise- I praise- I praise. I'm reminded of Angie in so many things... maybe it's the fact that just reading her blog makes me think that she and I would be good friends... but the reason her blog is called Bring the Rain is because good soil only happens when there's a lot of rain. And while it's a little scary to say this, I say, "Lord, bring the rain... because it's more important for me to know You... and I don't wish for bad things, or hard things... but if everything is easy peasy all the time, I'm scared that I'll never grow. So I'm done with being mad about the problems. I'm done with wishing for easier things. Help me get through the difficult. Help me to face the hard times with my head held high. Help me to be a light in the exact places you have me."
We must not get comfortable in the problems. We have a solution. And in all things, He can bring peace, joy, comfort, healing, patience, love, kindness, gentleness and self-control.
