Time for HIM

In the past several months, okay, maybe the past several years, I've struggled with this notion that I'm not DOING enough to serve the Lord each day. I tend to make myself feel guilty when I roll over and hit snooze at 5:00 am instead of jumping up and into the Bible immediately. And then 6:00 am rolls around and I barely have enough time to shower and get JM ready, so I push off my "devotional" time to... well, never, here lately.

So, I was talking to the Lord the other day while I was driving around, running some errands. I'm extremely honest with the Lord for those of you who don't know me. It was going something like this:

Me: Hey Lord, it's me... Kay. Oh wait, you already know that. I'm an idiot. Anyway, I was just thinking... I've been wanting to spend more time with you, and I think that the morning is really my only good time to do it because my days just get so crazy with work and JM and chores and supper and everything else (I speak in run-on sentences in my head). But, I mean, you know how much I love my sleep... and, so, well, sometimes... well, all the time... it seems like this morning thing isn't really working out for me because then I'm just talking to you while I fly through my morning routine, or while I drive, and let's be honest, you and I both know how ditzy I've been lately so I probably should keep my mind focused on the road (never mind the fact that I'm driving while praying this). But, Lord, am I a horrible person because of this? I mean, listen to me... I'm basically telling you that sleep is more important than you right now... geez. Why is this so hard for me????

And around this time, I'd gotten to the water works and was putting my bill in the little drop box (yes, I live in the 1920's). I'm walking back to my car, and He says, "Look."

I'm looking at the cutie pie sitting in the backseat of my car, smiling at me like it's the first time he's seen me all day, even though it's more like the 20th. It looked something like his smile in this picture:

And then He said, "I get that excited too."

Y'all! Is that crazy love?! Even a glance in His direction makes Him that excited. So, I realized that even five minutes is better than nothing. He just wants ME. It's a work in progress, that's for sure. But I'm definitely seeing it through different lenses this week.

He just wants YOU. It doesn't have to be formal, a certain period of time, or anything like that. All He wants is YOU.

Thanks, Lord. You're pretty awesome.

Comfortable Problems

For the love... there is so much I could be doing right now, like cleaning my house, pulling out some picture frames that I've wanted to hang, laundry (oh the never ending laundry). Yet, I'm unable to pull myself away from a story I ran across last week. In fact, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it either. Her name is Angie Smith, and she writes a blog called Bring The Rain. Well, she's written more than that, actually. "I Will Carry You," "What Women Fear," and "Mended" are three books that I see advertised on her blog. I haven't read them yet, because I'm still in June 2008 on her blog, making my entire way through it. I started at the beginning, in April 2008, when Angie and her husband Todd (singer for Selah) found out that something just wasn't right with Angie's pregnancy. I'll leave you to read her blog, as there's absolutely no way that I could do the story justice. But a funny thing happened as I continued to read, to cry, to read and cry, to sob uncontrollably... the Lord sparked something in me that I haven't felt for years. Passion for Him.
Yes, that's right, for all of you out there who have some notion in your mind that I have it all together... that I praise the Lord with every step... that I don't cuss like a sailor at times and then quickly pray that my son doesn't repeat it. If anything, I want to be honest with myself, and you. Judge if you want- makes no difference to me. I already know that I'm broken, so it's not a newsflash. But the past couple of years have been confusing at best. I've second guessed everything that I knew to be true... my ability to be a good wife, a good mother, a good employee, a good friend, a good person at all. I'm sure the enemy was having a field day with it. Have you ever noticed that the second you start to second guess yourself on something, there seems to be an event that proves you're right in thinking that ugly thought about yourself? It's easy to sit in that place for a long, long time. And I have. I've gotten pretty comfortable here. It's kind of like how Charlie Brown gets all upset about how nobody likes him, but the reason people get frustrated with him is because he constantly talks about how nobody likes him, and let's face it- that's annoying. Well, I think I've had a Charlie Brown spirit.
I want to go on record right now and say that as hard as it has been to get through Angie's blog, I have continued to read it because the Lord is doing something in me through it. As I read her posts, I realized that she hears the Lord so clearly in the midst of her day. And then she acts on it. And I found myself wishing that I could do that again... hear the Lord clearly in the midst of my day. As I sat in my big comfy chair, I looked at the back cushion where Max normally perches and laughed because he was stuck in between the cushion and the back of the chair. So I did what any normal "mama" would do. I picked up my cell phone and snapped a picture, planning to send it to Michael so that we could LOL at our silly dog. Max wasn't even upset about the fact that he was stuck. He just settled down into it and plopped his head over the back of the chair, trying to make the best of the situation. I thought to myself, "What a comfortable problem to have." And then I heard it. That still, small voice that I've been so desperate to hear said, "We must be careful to not get comfortable in our problems. That's not how life was intended."
That's not how LIFE was intended. That's so true! The author of life doesn't sit back and think, "Well, there she goes again. Gosh, I should really teach her how to be a better employee." He created life to be full of joy. And that doesn't mean that everything is hunky dory all the time either. Life is hard, y'all. But He's still on the throne.
"And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!" Revelation 5:13
And so, instead of doing the list of things that I probably should be doing around the house, I praise Him, and I allow myself to dream again, and I allow myself to trust Him again, and I praise- I praise- I praise. I'm reminded of Angie in so many things... maybe it's the fact that just reading her blog makes me think that she and I would be good friends... but the reason her blog is called Bring the Rain is because good soil only happens when there's a lot of rain. And while it's a little scary to say this, I say, "Lord, bring the rain... because it's more important for me to know You... and I don't wish for bad things, or hard things... but if everything is easy peasy all the time, I'm scared that I'll never grow. So I'm done with being mad about the problems. I'm done with wishing for easier things. Help me get through the difficult. Help me to face the hard times with my head held high. Help me to be a light in the exact places you have me."
We must not get comfortable in the problems. We have a solution. And in all things, He can bring peace, joy, comfort, healing, patience, love, kindness, gentleness and self-control.

A Time to be Thankful

The past couple of days have been a roller coaster for my family. However, through it all, God was ever present, and I learned so much more about myself as I learned so much more about God. I wanted to get it down somewhere before it left my mind- and also so that I could revisit it all one day and be reminded of what He was saying.

Things I learned about myself:

1. When I need to be strong, there is an endless supply of strength in the Lord.
2. I know now the peace that surpasses all understanding. So many people on the phone commented about how calm I sounded- some even thought I was in shock. But all I knew was that I had a peace that I couldn't explain. I knew how bad things looked and sounded even as I explained them. But God gave me His peace, and I was really never able to accept things the way they had been presented. All I could see and know was His outlook on things... and His outlook was far better than ours.
3. No matter how often or little I talk to my brother, we have a bond that cannot be broken. And I love that- and I love him.
4. I can pretty much take any situation and find something humorous to lighten the mood. However, I wouldn't recommend causing a patient who just had brain surgery to laugh. I got in trouble more than once. But Hurt Head Ted is now taking over for me.
5. I like Facebook and texting, and it truly is the easiest way to keep people informed, but there's nothing like a good old fashioned phone call.
6. I can survive solely on Starbucks and Diet Coke.
7. I am back in the business of reading my brother's mind. And it only took a 7 hour surgery to get that back up and running.

Things I learned (or was reminded) about God:

1. He is Good.
2. He only calls us to have faith the size of a mustard seed in order to move mountains.
3. He doesn't do things the same way I do (and thank goodness for that).
4. He hears our prayers, and works on our behalf long before we realize it.
5. He has an appointed time for all of us to leave this earth. We won't leave a minute before or after our appointed time.
6. Life's too short to waste it on things that keep us from carrying out His will, and He used a short five days to show me some things that I've been praying about for years. It was there all along, but sometimes you have to step back to see it clearly.
7. He secured even deeper in me that I am not afraid of death. In fact, I rejoice in it- because death has no hold over us. Life doesn't end with death. It begins. And that's not just the natural version of death- that's the death of things in our lives that we've been holding onto, but we need to let go of.
7. Lastly, we're not here for ourselves, or our selfish desires, or even to make a name for ourselves. We're here to point back to Him, to show others the Way, to bring Life into dark places. And it can be as small and as simple as one conversation. But people need to know that we care- so if we ask Him for His heart in all situations and for all people, we can't really go wrong.

There's still a road of recovery ahead, but I feel a new clarity that I didn't have before. I pray that we all move forward changed, and that we were able to bless others through it.

A Time for Easter Pictures

It has been quite a while since I last posted over here (and I said I wasn't going to do that). But, work has been insanely busy... to the point where I've been struggling alot just to get dinner on the table at night without having a meltdown. I've also been traveling quite a bit since this year began, and I have to go back to Dallas this week. Since I won't be back until Saturday (riiiiiiiiiiiight before Easter), I thought I'd go ahead and take some Easter pictures of JM today.

I kept trying to get all creative about where I was going to take his pictures, but then basically came to a "do or die" moment and just loaded him up in the car to go exploring. I spotted a little woodsy area at the front of a nearby neighborhood, and decided I'd go for the whimsical look today. Sometimes keeping it simple is the best way to go! So, JM and bunny went exploring, and I documented it.

We headed back home, and I spotted another field, so I asked John Michael if he'd be willing to do just one more...

He tried to warn me. He cried the entire time.

And what's a photoshoot without one of these (hehe)...

What a sweet angel. I love this little guy to pieces! I hope you all have an amazing week, and enjoy Easter with the ones you love. May we all be reminded of what He spoke so clearly to me about today... and that is HE IS GOOD! There is nothing that you are going through that He isn't working out for some purpose... and you don't have to worry about what that purpose is, because you can rest in the fact that HE IS GOOD. Love you guys!

Lazy Sunday AKA Get up and do something!

I fly out of Birmingham in T minus 9 hours and 30 minutes. What do I need to do before then?
- wash clothes
- pack those freshly washed clothes
- pack everything else
- finish up taxes so I can send them off
- finish up two work items
- cook some things for my family to eat while I'm away
- buy some diapers so my child can live a sanitary life
- buy some food for my child so he can eat while I'm gone
- clean my house so that I can come home to it being messy again
- get to the airport an hour before my flight leaves

And what am I doing? Everything except what's on this list! And that includes watching JM be incredibly cute while he eats a waffle.

But he's checking my flight status and printing out my boarding pass for me, so I didn't add those to the list.

I need to get my buns in gear! Hope everyone has a great week! I'll be "nerding it up" at a database conference! (pushes glasses up nose)

It's time for the Academy Awards!!!

I love all of the Oscar buzz... I can't help it. I guess I'm a sucker for an event where everyone dresses up and people go home with awards. And I LOVE the speeches that some people give at the Academy Awards. Let's face it, there are just some people in this world who are cocky and you can see right through them- especially in their acceptance speeches. I of course love the ones with humor, but I also love the sincere "I really didn't think I would win" speeches. And you can tell the difference between someone who didn't think they would win, so they're fumbling through their words versus the ones who "didn't think they would win" and then pull out a typed speech from their bra.

In honor of the Academy Awards on Sunday, I wanted to link you guys to a couple of ideas for throwing an Oscar party. I'm not throwing one, but Michael and I do like to fill out the ballots and try to guess who we think we'll win. I especially love the foreign film sections, where we just have to completely guess!

The first set of ideas comes from a blog I follow and absolutely ADORE! It's called "Skip to my Lou" and Cindy always has the best ideas. Plus, you crafty ladies should check out her "made by you Monday" posts, and link up to her blog on Mondays if you've made something fun. I love seeing what she picks each week. But her latest post on Oscar party treats and printables was too fun not to share!

I am also slightly obsessed with Bakerella... mainly because of an obsession with cake pops. But, y'all, look at these cookies!!!

There's a whole blog post dedicated to making these puppies. I mean, if I didn't have a toddler, and did have all the time in the world, I'd be making these for sure!

Last, but certainly not least, is the coveted Oscar statue. You wanted to make your own, you said? Well, ladies and gentlemen, this one still has me chuckling. I actually think it's a great idea, but for some reason I can't stop laughing about it. Probably because I act like a 12 year old. But at any rate, you could spray paint your Ken doll for decoration!

Is anyone hosting an Oscar party this year? We'll probably be lucky to even get to watch at all, but I think Oscar parties sound like so much fun!

Mommy Meltdowns

I learned today that I don't know anything. And just when I think I might be on to something and start getting all cocky, I'm right back where I started... Knowing nothing.
It's not a bad place. It's quite humbling here, actually. And humble is always good.
After three Mommy Meltdowns occurred before 8:30 this morning, I realized that I do not have it all together. It wasn't a particularly fun place to be, but I think it was exactly where I needed to be.
I am thankful.