A Time to be Vulnerable

WARNING: Deep thoughts by Kay- prepare yourselves.

There are days when we pretend that we have it all together, and then there are days like today. And let's just be honest- none of us really have it all together, so let's just stop pretending. I'm serious- aren't we doing each other a disservice by pretending? We all want so desperately to know that we're not the only ones who feel a certain way. So, I'm not going to pretend. I don't have it all together, and I don't care. And I hope that my honesty helps someone else who may be feeling this same way.

It all started with one of those "long on the eyes" days at work. I had several meetings (which were all fine), but looming underneath my to-do list was the one thing that I desperately want to procrastinate on, but can't because I'm up against deadlines that have come and gone. I'm working on two spreadsheets that total 90,000 records, of which I'm preparing and manipulating to be imported into our database. It would have been one spreadsheet, but all you excel nerds know you can't put 90,000 of anything in one spreadsheet. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about up to this point, don't worry- I don't either. It's just my job.

Needless to say, by the time I was "off the clock," my mind was spent. Now, let me start this next section off with a little background information. My husband works really stinking hard everyday- out in the sun- in this ridiculous heat. And this season is especially busy for him, so he's not able to help out as much at night with bath time, bed time, etc. He more than makes up for it on the weekends- and not getting to spend as much time with JM is really hard on him. So, don't mistake this as me playing the "I wish my husband would do more" card. He's awesome.

So, in this section John Michael enters the scene, stage left. He has been battling ear infections since March, and we have a consultation for ear tubes next Thursday. However, I don't think we're going to make it until next Thursday. We all might die before then. Just kidding, we won't die... I hope. Now, on top of the ear infections, we have hit some major milestones lately. He is crawling like a madman, pulling up on anything and everything, and I kid you not, this child is trying to walk. However, as exciting as that may sound, it is presenting some challenges for me in the bath and bedtime routines. He won't sit in the bathtub anymore... he insists on pulling up on the side to stand up. I tell him no, and make him sit back down on his behind, and then we start all over again. I finally get frustrated, and just take him out of the bathtub, dry him off, and then dread what I know is coming next. The changing table.

The changing table used to be JM's favorite place, but now it is a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth. He refuses to stay on his back, which makes it super easy to change a diaper or dress him. I started strapping him in, and believe you me, the whole neighborhood now knows how much he loves to be strapped to the changing table. So, I rush through trying to change him, put his pj's on, and then I usually end up crying in the chair while I feed him his nighttime bottle. Like I said, I know I don't have it all together, and I don't care. I tell you without reservation that by this point of the night, I am at my wit's end.

I say all of this to tell you about the breakthrough that I had tonight. After going through the extremely frustrating cycle of bedtime, I found myself laying in my own bed, crying out of desperation. I call out to God on a regular basis throughout the bedtime routine to help me, but I somehow still feel so helpless at the end of it all. Enter the Duggars, stage right. I don't care if you do or don't- I like the Duggars. If you don't know who I'm talking about, then just take a quick trip over to google and find out. Well, these people have 19 kids, and little ol' Michelle Duggar is the cutest, sweetest thing- and you just watch her and think "she's got 19 kids, but she still has hair, and doesn't break down into tears at every turn- how on earth?" Well, I happened across something she wrote which really helped put things into perspective for me. She was talking about how she was up at 1am doing laundry one night, and she just broke down into tears because she was so overwhelmed with it all. And she was crying out to the Lord to help her- that she felt so inadequate and unable to do it all. And she said that a still small voice said, "Michelle, it's easy to praise me when things are going good, but are you willing to praise me now?" And she started singing "The joy of the Lord is my strength," and experienced a release of that heaviness she felt. And days later, while sitting through the kids' piano lessons, the piano teacher asked her if she was okay (because she kept dozing off). Michelle explained that she had been up late doing laundry, and the piano teacher told her that she LOVED doing laundry, and has been helping her do the laundry ever since!

So, fast forward back to my night tonight- I'm crying, asking the Lord to help me, and I was reminded of that story. So, I started singing praises to the Lord- and I was thinking of songs I haven't heard in years and years. And it was like this incredible release happened. Now, I don't think that I won't have these same challenges tomorrow, but I AM willing to praise Him during those times. And for some reason that I cannot explain, I have comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that even the people I think have it all together- don't. There's comfort that I'm not supposed to have it all together- or else I wouldn't need Him. And there's comfort in the fact that this dream we all have of skipping through a daisy field life without any challenges is just that... a dream. And I'm finally thankful that I realize that dream would present no growth in my life.

So, here I am. Living a real life. Breaking down like a crazy woman over things that can't be helped. But coming out of it on the other side with a tiny bit more growth each time. And if that's where you are today too, rest in the fact that you're not alone. I'm right there too- but most of all, the Lord's there.

Workin Nine to Five... What a way to make a livin...

And now that you have that song in your mind (you are absolutely welcome), that pretty much sums up why it has been so long since the last blog post. Not just work work... although since I now work at home, I sort of feel like it has been all work work (in case you're wondering, that's what I call my real job). But it has also been just plain work... around the house, cooking (cough cough- just kidding, not really cooking), baby proofing the house, sick baby, sick dog... you name it, I feel like it has happened.

Let's see, where did I leave off? Father's Day you say? Wow, it HAS been a long time. Well, let's back up a tad then. John Michael has been trying to crawl for what seems like forever. But the inevitable happened, and he started to crawl exactly one week and two days ago. Here's how it all went down:

Saturday morning- John Michael simultaneously moved the arms and legs, propelling him forward
Saturday late morning- I decided that it was probably time to baby proof the house
Saturday noon- Got home and John Michael napped, while we did a little baby proofing
Saturday evening- The kid was crawling everywhere... and FAST!

Now you see him...

So, I did what any normal parent would do... I sent him back to daycare. No, just kidding. But he did go back on Monday so that he could learn some new tricks. Also on Monday, Maxwell vonSeeberg Schnauzer Sanford got into something which made him so sick that he collapsed. I rushed him to the vet and thought several times on the way that I had lost him. It was absolutely horrible- he had to stay at the vet overnight, and I couldn't stop crying the whole night. He came home on Tuesday, and we're still unsure of what it was that he got into, but we did find a black widow in our backyard this weekend- sweet. (For some reason that just made me think of staying at a Holiday Inn Express- you too?)

So, naturally, John Michael decided on Wednesday that he needed a double ear infection to top things off.

Bless his heart!

But sadly, that didn't top things off. Michael went and got himself sick too- not sure what yet, but his throat looks really bad. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, we had the BEST time on Saturday with my very best friend in the world, Amy Clarke "the performer" Davis, and her family. John Michael spent some time with his future girlfriend, Mia. And I realized how incredibly white we are next to the tan-ness that is Mia.

Such a cute couple

In other news, exactly one week after he started crawling, John Michael pulled himself up to a standing position. I can't even describe the mix of emotions over that one. I'm so excited, yet so scared... all at the same time!

What?!

But,it's only Monday, so I have no idea what this week holds... but I can guarantee you that it will be cool in some shape, form or fashion. And I'm making a mental note right now that I will do better and blog on a more consistent basis... and then I won't have to catch you up on everything in one post that's full of writing and pictures. Have a great week!!!

Father's Day... I love this man

It was Michael's first Father's Day, so John Michael and I tried to make it special! In my mind, I thought, "I'll get up early and set out his gifts and keep John Michael occupied so that he can sleep in."

Well... he actually woke up well before I did, and kept John Michael occupied while I slept in. Oops. By the time I got up, I had to make him go to another part of the house so that I could set out his stuff. I had good intentions...

Anyway, John Michael (that crafty little fellow) had already given Daddy his present on Friday. He made this little box for Michael at school. Is that the sweetest picture ever of him? Props to Amy for capturing some sweet pics of our boy!

I wanted to do something sentimental for Michael, so I set out on Photoshop to create a magazine, designed and written about Michael and John Michael's times together. It turned out really cute... here are some shots of the newly released "Fathers" magazine.

I think he really liked it too- I heard him joking with his dad on the phone about how it was "the best magazine ever... cause it's all about me!" hahahahahahha- I love it!

John Michael got this onesie and said he wanted to wear it to church on Father's Day... but Michael was a little embarrassed.

John Michael watched very closely as Dad checked out his treasures.

And then they had some Father/Son time.

 And then there was some Father/SonS time... you know he gets jealous.

Happy Father's Day to all new dads out there... but especially to our new dad. We love you Michael!

It was a "flip flops in the airport" kinda mornin

If you don't know about the flip flops in the airport story, then you seriously don't know me at all. No really, it's hilarious! Read it here.

Now that you've refreshed yourself on the calamities that follow me in any given situation... that's sort of like what my morning was like today. I woke up at 4:45 to the sound of my husband's phone alarm going off, but there was no husband to be found. Turns out he fell asleep watching tv/reading on the couch last night. So, I went and woke him up (why yes, I am nice- anyone else need a personal wake up call at 4:45am?) to let him know that his alarm was going off. So, I took his phone to him so that he could snooze a little longer. About 5am, his alarm clock on the side table went off. So, I turned it off too. About that time, John Michael started stirring, so I went ahead and fixed a bottle and went in to feed him.

Baby fed... check. Baby back in bed... check. Was my bed still looking appealing at this point? You bet your sweet potatoes it was.

I crawled back into bed as Michael finished getting ready, kissed me goodbye, and left. It was about five minutes later when Max jumped off the bed, and I heard him start throwing up under the bed. I always love it when he throws up UNDER the bed. It's so easy to clean up under there.

Dog outside... check. Throw up cleaned up... check. Did I want to throw up at this point? You bet your sweet and sour sauce I did.

Michael called to say that he had forgotten his cell phone, and asked if I could drop it by on my way in. No problem... I pass right by there. So, I got ready for work (because I actually had to go into the office today- boss in town) and went to wake up John Michael to get him ready as well. Too late- he was already up and crying because he'd wet the bed. Wet the bed you ask? Yes, wet the bed. He likes to sleep on his stomach now, and I don't care what kind of diaper you are, you ain't holding that baby's tinkle without leaking. He was super upset about wetting the bed. I told him that it was okay- that I used to wet the bed all the time too. Bless his heart.

Got him ready to go- he was looking so cute. Walked to the dining room to put him in his carrier and BLAM, he threw up all over me.

Second outfit of the day before 7:00am... check. Baby who managed to miss himself completely... check. Did I want to cry at this point? You bet your sweet tea I did.

I loaded up the babe and set out for daycare. My cell rang about the time I got to 280... crap- I forgot Michael's cell phone. So, I turned around to go back to the house to get it. Little did I know that Maude in front of me had eggs in the car- she could only go 12 mph. Bless her heart. I finally got home, and low and behold... I couldn't find the cell phone anywhere! Seriously, I thought Michael ate it on the way out the door, because that cell phone was gone!

So, I left again for daycare- clearly later than my planned departure. So, I called my buddy Polly to let her know that I was running late. I'm sure my boss who flew in to meet with me today thought it was cool. No seriously, he's like the nicest man on earth. He understood. But, you guessed it... got behind Ethel on the way back, and yes, she had eggs in the car too.

Baby at daycare... check. Office cleaned out and boss met with... check. Was I tired by the time my boss left for the airport? You bet your sweet baby pickes I was.

Oh and Michael's phone? Yeah, he found it in our closet when he got home from work today. Ha.... Ha.... Ha.... what a day.

Jumpin' Jack Flash...

Is the gas, gas, gas! I LOVED that song when I was little... mainly because the word "gas" was in it. My brother and I used to sing that song, and then we'd laugh and laugh and laugh about the gas part. Okay, that was really three days ago, but the point is, it's still one of my favorites to this day!

So, naturally, when I wanted to put together a little movie action of JM in his bouncy excersaucer, I thought, "What better song than Jumping Jack Flash could I use?!"

You've seen "Piano Man," now put your hands together for the one... the only... JUMPIN' JACK FLASH!

(I promise it's worth watching the whole thing- the end is classic)

(Tip: Expand to full screen so that you can read the subtitles)

Jumpin' Jack Flash from Kay Sanford on Vimeo.

6 months, a wedding, and more...

Wondering where I've been?! Well... let me try to recap what all has happened since my last post. My best friend from Selma got married on April 30th! (Okay, technically this happened before my last post, but to be fair, I meant for this to be in the last post- it just didn't make sense with Teacher Appreciation Week) Mrs. Clay Fuller Ziegler married Mr. Bryan Ziegler, and I have to say... that was one GREAT wedding. She was the most beautiful bride, and of course in true "Byrd" fashion, it was laid back and turned out to be one of the most enjoyable weddings I've ever been a part of. In fact, I enjoyed myself so much, that I forgot to take pictures during any part of the weekend except for the Bridesmaid Luncheon.

Here's Byrd with some of her lovely bridesmaids.

The lunch was outside at Suzie Q Kirkpatrick's house- what a great hostess. It was actually her birthday, so the bride had a sweet little surprise for her.

We had our own table out front with these awesome lunch boxes.

Since the wedding, we have been full-swing in ear infections. I actually think that John Michael has had the same ear infection since early April. Almost every weekend, we're either at the open doctor's office, or we're praying and counting down the hours until 8am Monday morning. This past month alone, John Michael has had an ear infection, the stomach bug (which he passed around to all of us, including Michael's sister Beth who came to help us), and bronchiolitis. We're talking about getting tubes, but we're trying to hold out until the fall so that JM can make it through two winters with them in.

But that sweet little guy doesn't let sickness hold him down. Even in the midst of having the stomach bug, he would throw up all over me and then look at me and smile. And not in a mischievous way- it was a sweet smile like he was saying, "I'm okay Momma."

He's a little over 6 months now, so we're now really getting into the solid foods. He's been eating solids for a couple of months, but I think now he's just discovered how much he loves food. And he'll eat anything- vegetable, fruit... not sure about the meats just yet though. He reaches for his bottle and pulls it toward his mouth- two nights ago, I let go of it and he fed himself for about 2 minutes... and then dropped it. He rolls everywhere, is trying to crawl (although he hasn't figured out to work the legs and arms at the same time), is somewhat steady sitting up by himself, and he LOVES to bounce in his excersaucer- more on that in the next post.

We noticed how much he loved the bouncy seat at daycare, so we got him his own "recliner" for home. (Warning: picture quality from here on out is terrible... haven't had the camera handy)

He's also sitting up straight in his high chair now, and will throw his ball down while I'm fixing his dinner... sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for that game to begin- you know that game- I'll throw it down and you pick it up 12,000 times... yeah, seriously, the suspense is killing me.

He's in size 2 dipes, wears anywhere between 6-9 month clothes, smiles, laughs, plays with his feet ALL THE TIME, and stares and smiles at Max (and sometimes gets his hands on the whiskers and holds on tight- Max has been WONDERFUL with him though).

He pushes up all the way on his arms while on his tummy, has a funny quirk of tapping one foot on the other leg while taking a bottle, crosses his feet at the ankles while sleeping/swinging/carseat riding/anything, puts everything in his mouth, sucks on one of his washcloths in the bathtub, sucks his thumb, loves any and all blankets, and is one perceptive little guy. We even went on our first outing to the pool... he loves "fimmin in the waddie," although we only got a picture in our fimmin trunks.

In the middle of being sick every other week, I'd say he's one happy fella. And boy do we love him!

I'll let you end on a little video I like to call "Piano Man." The next post will feature "Jumpin Jack Flash."

Piano Man from Kay Sanford on Vimeo.

It's Teacher Appreciation Week!

Last week when I picked up John Michael from daycare, there was a note on his daily sheet about this week being Teacher Appreciation Week. After I consulted the daycare calendar for May, I discovered that each day included something different for John Michael to do for his teachers. (Side note: If any of JM's teachers are reading this and it's not Thursday yet, go away and come back tomorrow. You don't want to ruin your surprise do you?)

So, back to the calendar...

Tuesday's project was for John Michael to make a homemade card for his teacher. Well, JM has three teachers. He would have made his own cards, but Monday really wore him out. So, I helped. :)

Each teacher got something different inside, specific to them. 

John Michael felt that cards would go really well with a banner, so we did one of those too. :)

Wednesday's project was for John Michael to bring a snack/treat for his teacher. Since the ingredients for our snack/treat of choice don't come in packages of three, we made enough for all the teachers, helpers, and I think even the owners got to take one home.

If you can't read the back, it's just instructions on how to make their yummy treat.

Thursday's project is for John Michael to bring a flower to his teacher. Well... I thought about this one for awhile... and then I thought about it some more. And I finally decided that I didn't want to give a flower that would most likely not even make it through the whole day. So, I googled how to make a fabric flower. Let's just say that I didn't have all of the ingredients on hand to make it their way. So, I improvised.

A couple of bamboo skewers, some fabric, and a little bit of Mod Podge later, we had some flowers.

Yeah, I'm super fancy with my Momma G's cup as a vase.

Friday, we get to stay a bit and have a muffin in the morning to celebrate Mother's Day. I can't wait! Have you thanked a teacher this week?